Okay, so I restarted my blog again. I just can't make up my mind. Gross, I know. Once I start to think that I can just erase old stuff and start something new without giving a second thought to what once was, it becomes kinda easy to just keep redoing stuff.
Whatever. Got my results yesterday. It wasn't that bad, but I know I could have done better if only I just bothered putting in effort. How many times have I said that in my 21 years in life already? If only, if only, if only. Will I ever learn? What is the point of regretting if what's done has already been done? It's not like I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Time to become more responsible.
Everything is so gross.
Being jealous of people is so gross too. Seeing people get things I want, having that bitter feeling that grows in me. Every time I just keep telling myself, life is unfair. It doesn't matter how hard you try in life sometimes if you don't have the most crucial component - luck. But still, it can't be helped that in such situations I'm thinking "why isn't it me" "it could have been me" (no I'm not talking about my non-existent love life, thank you very much).
Yes, I do believe that failures make a person stronger. But even so, does it really matter if the person is stronger? It does play a role in how you make your decisions in life after the failure but it can also be the other way, failures piling on top of failures. Your first failure can be what determines your next failure. Don't give up? The society isn't that kind most of the time. I don't want to be such a pessimist, but those motivational talks about people who succeeded after picking themselves up after failures and trying harder, those may be just exceptions. Hundreds and thousands and millions of people fail everyday, and where are they now? Nameless and unknown. Left in the dust.
Even after all these talks about failing and being a nobody, I still want to be the exception. Idek. Oh well.
On a final note, I've always been abandoning my blog but in the end I still can't not keep one - because where else can I rant when I feel the need to? I'll just keep this here and write whenever I want to.
